Lawyers feel fulfilled
when
they are successful in a case and when they have met a client’s
expectations. These moments are becoming
less and less frequent as well as less and less satisfying. In part, this is due to the lack of court
services caused by extreme budgeting problems in Los Angeles County as well as
other counties around the state of California.
Mostly it is caused by the ever-increasing difficulties resulting from
the stress, lack of control and anxiety of the opposing attorneys and clients, which
cause even relatively normal people to behave badly, and by the lack of funds
to pursue the correct course of action(s) in any given case. Practicing
collaborative law can give attorneys a better sense of fulfillment and confidence.
Rather than contending with delays, judicial cuts, difficult temperaments, a hostile
court environment and a variety of unpleasant, unhappy people, a family law
litigant can be treated during negotiations to the comparative creature
comforts of a law office and the pleasure of being listened to - uninterrupted.
In the standard
litigation model, the minor children are subject to hostility and complaints
from each parent toward the other. For
example, the 13-year-old son is having behavioral issues at school and his
report cards show a decline in grades. Dad believes his son needs stricter
boundaries and seeks to have Johnnie live with him so he can control his
environment. Both mom and dad are afraid that if they are strict, their child may
want to live with the other parent. Minor children over a certain age now have
the right to testify as to their preference. The client may feel like he or she
is losing the right to parent as he or she sees fit. All the things that matter most to the client,
including the health and welfare of the minor children, family finances and
peace of mind - are becoming compromised. The feeling of lack of control
becomes overwhelming. The client begins to realize that s/he may have to pay an
unpredictable amount of money, and may have to wait an unpredictable amount of
time, to receive an unpredictable and uncontrollable outcome.
In comparison to the
litigation model, in the collaborative process, the parties meet with both of
their collaborative attorneys. They come together in a small conference room.
Each client’s attorney has a communication specialist sitting with the client.
The attorneys’ attention is with their clients. They are offered fruits,
sweets, tea and coffee. The attorneys make sure all parties are comfortable.
Everyone is respected. One party is asked by the other party’s attorney to
speak about her concerns, needs and wants. When she says all the things she
needs to say, all the people in the room listen to her and validate her. The
other party does not interrupt, because both of them were taught how to listen
and not interrupt. He also knows that he will have his turn and he does. If one
of them interrupts the other, the communication coach is right there
redirecting him or her to listen. When one of them speaks about his or her
concerns, needs and wants, the other has the peace of mind that they don’t have
to defend themselves. This is not an adversarial system. Both clients know the
process will not end in an outcome unless the outcome is acceptable to both of
them. They have control over the outcome. Your client learns to listen. She
finally can hear him, maybe for the first time after many years, because the
communication specialists and the collaborative attorneys reiterate what each
client’s commitment and interests are with what they are saying. The client
realizes and learns what has been the real experience of the other party. Weight is lifted off of each of them as they
each realize that so much unnecessary stress can now be released. The clients
practice open communication with each other with the help of the team in the
collaborative divorce process, which they can hopefully carry over into their
future interactions concerning the children. The clients work together to plan
for the children, which is their common interest. They learn to respect each
other in the process, and take home this valuable lesson to their kids.
The collaborative process
is not always pleasant. In fact, many times, collaborative attorneys deal with
anger, rage, hostility, suspicion and feelings of betrayal and abandonment,
just like those involved in trying to get a judge to hear their story and rule
in their favor. The great value of the
process is that each attorney is not alone dealing with all of it; the
attorneys support each other and are supported by the communication
specialists. The collaborative team provides a safe space for all that needs to
transpire. The collaborative process has a unique psychological aspect to it.
There is at least one mental health professional in a collaborative team
(communication specialist). The collaborative team consists of collaborative
lawyers, mental health professionals and an impartial financial expert (where
necessary). They provide all that the
clients need to resolve their issues collaboratively. Working with the team in
creating options that meet both clients’ needs is very fulfilling. A lasting relationship
is built between all parties and professionals involved. The attorney’s caring
and respect for the other party goes a long way. The parties learn to build a
new relationship with the other parent or spouse through respectful and responsible
communication. They also learn to have a new respect for the other party by the
way the professionals relate to them.
